07 Oct 2019 Leadership Qualities – Dealing With Difficult People
Insights from my Executive Coaching work
In this series of short articles, I will share real-life cases from my experience as an Executive Coach and how I worked with my clients to build their leadership skills and behaviors.
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Note that while the core of these case stories is real, I sometimes modify them to make s stronger point.
The Case Story
“Hi, Constance,” I said as we started our Zoom-based coaching call. “In your prep email, you said that today you want to work on building your team. Is this still what you want to work on?”
“Actually,” She answered, “Can we discuss something else that came up yesterday?” “Sure,” I said. “What’s up?”
“I want to learn how to deal with difficult people,” Constance said. And as she said it, I noticed that her voice quivered a little. “It’s about my peer, Julie. Yesterday, I got an email from her telling me that she had scheduled a meeting for Monday to discuss a new strategy for my client. She did not even ask if I am available. She just told me that I have to be there.”
“It is my client, and she is just trying to sell a minor add-on product to them. And here she is telling me that I need to change my strategy for a client with whom I’ve had a very successful relationship for years.”
“How was your relationship with Julie before this email?” I asked.
“We had a very cordial relationship. We collaborated effectively when we needed to, but we were not close friends or anything.”
“So, what happened? What caused this behavior now?” I asked.
“Well, you see, Julie was given this outside consultant woman to help her drive more sales because she was falling behind. This woman used to work at our company, and now they are bringing her in as a contractor. She had a reputation for getting things done by being a strong bully.” Said Constance and the quiver in her voice intensified.“I’m sure that she is the driving force behind Julie’s new behavior.”
How We Addressed The Challenge
“So how would you like to handle the situation?” I asked.
“I need to send Julie an email saying that it is my client, and if she wants to sell anything to them, she needs to talk to me first, and certainly, she is not to force her schedule on me.” Said Constance.
“And how do you think she will respond to your email?” I asked.
“I don’t care how she will respond. It is my client, and that’s it!” It was clear that Constance was very upset and her emotions were dictating her reactions.
“May I ask you, Constance, what is your ideal outcome from this situation?” I asked.
Constance paused for a long moment. I stayed silent, giving her the space she needed to think about what she really wanted.
“I want things to be as they were before. A cordial collaborative professional relationship.” She said.
“So, may I suggest that we brainstorm various options for getting there and the pros and cons of each option,” I said.
As we brainstormed, Constance realized that if she replied as she had contemplated, she may indeed protect her turf and “put Julie in her place”, but it will not restore their cordial relationship. In fact, Julie, with the “help” of her new consultant, might dig in and become even more aggressive.
How it Turned Out
After a few minutes of brainstorming, Constance landed on the response that will express how she felt and will most likely achieve her desired outcome.
“Sleep on it,” I said. “If you feel as positive about it tomorrow, you can use this response when you feel the timing is right.”
The following Tuesday I got an email from Constance saying: “Yesterday, I gave Julie a call. I asked her how things are going. She admitted that things are not going so well and that she really needs to make a sale to my client. I asked her how I can help her since I have a very good relationship at the highest levels of the client’s management. Julie apologized for her earlier email, and we proceeded to discuss ways for me to help her make her sale to my client. Thank you for our coaching call! I felt very good about my call with Julie.”
Step 1 –Come Clean
“This will take a lot of vulnerability, guts, and self-control,” I said. “The decision is yours.”
“I’ll try my best.” He said. “What’s our next step?”
“Here is my recommendation,” I said. “Sleep on it tonight and let’s brainstorm on it tomorrow.”
“I suggest that you open up and level with your team. Tell them that you want to change things. That you want to help them grow and become the best and the most independent leadership team in the industry. I suggest that you do it first one-on-one and then integrate it all in a group meeting.”
To my surprise, when we met a couple of days later, John agreed to my suggested approach.
Step 2 – Listen
Next, we worked on how John will run his leadership meetings and how he will interact with his team one-on-one.
“For each meeting,” I said, “I suggest that you send them your high-level objective in advance. Then you set up the overall direction, and you let them discuss ways to achieve the goal, while you just listen.”
“And what if they fail to reach a consensus on the way forward?” He asked.
“That is your job and your challenge, to coach and facilitate a productive discussion that will lead them to their own conclusion, even if it takes twice as long to get there.”
“And what if I don’t like their conclusion?” He asked.
“As long as it is not a fatal mistake for the company, you let them go with it, even if it is very different from your view.”
How It Turned Out
The first few months were very bumpy. But John understood that he’d rather save the company than be right.
I used to sit at the back of the room, observe what was going on, and share my observations with John after the meetings.
As the year progressed, a couple of members of the leadership team left the company. They were just not cut out from the right cloth. But the majority stayed, made mistakes, grew, developed, and became solid and independent leaders.
After about 15 months John told his secretary one day: “I am ready to fly again. Please book me a ticket to New York City next week.”
